Global Domination

GD's verdicts - Best of 2013: Lord K. Philipson

31/12/13  ||  Lord K Philipson

We end this year with the only list that counts – mine. It’s been a glorious 2013 for Global Domination. Why, you ask… Well, here’s why:

1. We haven’t gotten any new visitors. It’s still the same 10 fucken idiots who come here every day. We love them. All of them.

2. We also haven’t given one fuck about 99% of all the shitty albums and demos that have been sent to us. Why? Becoz they were shit. It’s amazing how incredibly fucken low on quality most bands of today are. It’s also fantastic that so many shitty sounding productions make their way to us considering today’s technology and the abilities to make decent recordings for close to no money at all. Unless you are Global Domination you will never understand how goddamn irritating it is to go through hideous demo after hideous demo, just to move on to any given piece of crap supposed to be an album, when all it is, really, is a poorly recorded self-made CDR with a low-quality home printed cover.

But you know what? We reviewed every single fucken shitty disc we got delivered to our mailbox. How many sites can claim to have done that?

We support and piss on all kinds of metal. Someone needs to put the goddamn foot down and tell shitty worthless record labels to stop sending us their shit unless their roster improves. Some might think we are fucken idiots for doing so, and you know what – that’s alright becoz at least we’re honest. I hope I have made our point clear with the extensive use of “shit” and “shitty” in this paragraph.

3. We managed to fuck-up the daily updates for the first time in our 10-year (WTF?!) career, basically becoz we are absolutely useless awesome. And despite all this – we still fucken piss on each and every website around. That is one fucken grand achievement.

With that said, let’s move on to the list.

Oh, fuck… I almost forgot. I could, and should, actually (just like staffer/second in command Ironpants rightfully did in his list that went up on, for natural reasons, Christmas Eve) put my latest album by The Project Hate MCMXCIX (released 12/12/12 – meaning it’s a 2013 release for fuck’s sake) in the top spot for 2013, but just like in 2012, I won’t. Becoz, as you all know, I am modest and all that shit.

Now we’re set, let’s actually move on to the list.

1. Melissa Horn: Om du vill vara med mig

“Who the fuck is Melissa Horn?”, you say when you see my number 1 pick. Well, half-breed, let me enlighten you. She’s a girl. Yes. She’s a singer/songwriter who sings exclusively in Swedish (becoz she’s from… tada! Sweden). This obviously means that Melissa is not metal. No. Far fucken from it. This chick’s been one of my absolute faves over the last years, and when her new album surfaced in 2013 – my number 1 spot on this list was secured.

I didn’t even have to hear it to know that would happen.

Even if you’re from some other country than Sweden you should still be able to appreciate her stuff since it’s absolutely amazing. Sure, you’d get a lot more out of it if you actually understood her lyrics/vocals, but hey – you never understood Cannibal Corpse’s vocals or lyrics either, so who are you trying to fool?

A taste of Melissa: Om du vill vara med mig

2. Heart Of A Coward: Severance

HOAC represent everything I usually hate with this particular genre, only difference is they have the needed groove and catchiness to have me give a fuck, meaning I dig this shit quite a bit. I must have listened to this piece some 50 times the last month. That means the album in question is real good (unless you do it for the humor factor, like with ‘St. Anger’), and trust me – it scares me more than it scares you.

Don’t fucken tell anyone about me currently liking this band so much they ended up second on this list, I have a tr00-as-fuck lifestyle and reputation to uphold. And as you can see, they both remain steadfast with my number 1 and 2 picks for 2013. POW!

A taste of Heart Of A Coward: Deadweight

3. F.K.Ü.: Rise of the mosh mongers

All of you fucken cumstains know how much I despise this new wave of old thrash metal trend… Bands who try to copy the days of old but ultimately end up looking absolutely clueless. And for good reasons. They just don’t get it. If you wanna know how old thrash metal is supposed to sound in a 2013-costume, look no further than right here at this band.

F.K.Ü.‘s nailed this style to perfection and “Rise of the mosh mongers” is another excellent album by Sweden’s finest. Forget all these new thrash bands that are currently polluting the Earth(rash).

Becoz F.K.Ü. is where it’s at, muthafuckers.

Review at GD.

A taste of F.K.Ü.: A nightmare made thrash

4. Tormention: Hunger for flesh

Apart from Torture Division, Bolt Thrower and Vomitory, death metal won’t get much better than this. Sweden proves once again who the leaders of brutality are. It’s a goddamn shame that Tormention’s not gotten much recognition considering the quality they possess. Fans of high-level audio crushing should check this out in an instant. Maybe Tormention will make you understand that this genre is certainly not all about being the fastest and/or most technical. It’s about feeling.

Mixing the metal of death with an incredible groove will always be a recipe for success. Look at Torture Division. Look at Bolt Thrower. Look at Vomitory.

Rest of the world: learn, follow, copy.

A taste of Tormention: Decapitation

5. Ghost: Infestissumam

4 out of 5 entries in this list are Swedish, that says quite a bit. Our own theatrical sensation Ghost is reaping success by the minute, and rightfully so. The whole presentation with this band is spot-on and the good thing is they have the music to back it up. Trust me, they haven’t even peaked yet and I certainly look forward to where they’ll bring this band in the future.

Question: would Ghost be this interesting weren’t it for the theatrical side?
Answer: who gives a fuck when the music is this good?

Review at GD.

A taste of Ghost: Year zero

CLOSE, BUT YOUR ANUS STILL SMELLS LIKE ANUS:

Here I will list a bunch of albums by bands who released something quite/very noteworthy in 2013. Albums that were close to making it unto this list, but ultimately… didn’t. They are listed alphabetically, of course

Amaranthe – The nexus
Eurovision metal gone haywire. Becomes listenable thanx to Elize Ryd. More than I will ever admit.

Amon Amarth – Deciever of the gods
Viking metal can fuck its viking asshole. Luckily Amon Amarth’s the one and only exception to the rule.

Hail Of Bullets – III The Rommel chronicles
Death metal by death metal people who got nothing but death metal in their death metal veins.

Immolation – Kingdom of conspiracy
Unique death metal by one of the very few bands who can claim they truly got their own recognizable sound. They get better and better with each and every release.

Necrophobic – Womb of Lilithu
Death/black metal quality as always. This time leaning more into Watain-territory than ever before.

Soilwork – The living infinite
Everyman’s metal by people more skilled than you, featuring the best fucken drummer the world will ever see.

The Monolith Deathcult – Tetragrammaton
Insanity metal by fuckers who probably should be rehearsing in padded cells.

Watain – The wild hunt
Crossing borders black metal by the leaders of the genre.

Witherscape – The inheritance
Pretentious metal by the incredibly gifted Swanö and friend Ragnar.

THE “NOT EXACTLY WHAT IT USED TO BE” ALBUM OF 2013:

You know, every other year some band you used to love happens to release a new album. Very seldom it answers to your expectations, if you actually had any expectations to begin with. 2013 was no different:

Pestilence – Obsideo
Mameli metal. At least it’s better than this, but hey – anything is.